Make My Life An Alleluia

 “Depression”

I strongly dislike the word “depression”.  However, I use the word “depressed” all the time!  “I was sooooooooo depressed…blah, blah, blah.”  Seriously, I know nothing of true depression.  I have never really been depressed; discouraged, yes!  But depressed, no.  I’m a lot like Marilla of Anne of Green Gables “to be depressed is to turn your back on God.”  Pious, right? 

I have seen true depression, however.  It’s a terribly ugly thing.  I remember as a young person my mom and dad sending me over to the dorms in France to visit a young lady who was really struggling.  “Just go over and talk with her, encourage her…she really needs it.”  When I got there and knocked on the door, I found a girl who had just slit her wrists and was trying to die.  Needless to say, I was a bit shaken up!  I was young—probably 18 or 19.  How does one handle that type of situation? 

Many years later I walked in on a friend who had truly reached depression.  Not suicidal like the above story, but someone who was truly ready to check out of life entirely—not physically perhaps, but in every other way.  Again, what does one say in such situations?

Through the years I have come across many people who have allowed themselves to sink into a true state of depression.  Depression is no walk in the park.  It is not fake.  It is real.  So, how do we get there?  Why is it so prevalent in our society?

I believe it begins very simply, without our even realizing it.  The beginning of this school year was very difficult for me.  A co-worker and friend that was not just a friend, but someone who spurred me to good works was “excessed” by the county and had to leave our school.  (She later resigned as she and her husband were ready to start a family, so it turned out to be a good thing, but…).  In a secular environment, I knew that in her I could find an Oasis…someone who would encourage me when I was down and whom I could encourage when she was down. Now, I have great co-workers, but there are those few people in the world that you really connect with.  You think alike because Christ is at the basis of how you view the world.  Bonnie was like that.  We didn’t have tons of spiritual conversations, but I just knew she understood; that she was seeing the situation through the same lens I was seeing things. That is such a rare gift. 

With her leaving, I was really down.  It affected me much more than I anticipated.  Plus, there was great upheaval overall, and I fail to like change.  Plus, I got a difficult class and very difficult parents.  That made my life even worse.  Plus, the reality that I was just 3 years shy of 40, and I did NOT like my job was, well, depressing!  I disliked the environment I worked in.  I was discouraged by the language, the lack of respect for God, the lack of morality…Why, God, did I have to subject myself to this on a daily basis?  I was very spiritual about it, mind you.  I didn’t want to be in it because it was not good for me spiritually.  And, I wanted to be busy about serving the Lord.  I wanted to be more involved at church; I didn’t want to constantly feel the pull of “my job” and “my heart”—my church.

But, my outlook was skewed.  I was allowing myself to focus on the negatives in a situation and not thanking God for the positives.  My dad graciously reminded me that the reason I could do “things” for my church was because I had a job. I was failing to implement things that were normally completely natural for me.  I was getting so discouraged that I hated to wake up in the morning to face my job.  I used the word “depressed” because it almost made me feel better about my situation.  However, since I really dislike the word, I made it sound more spiritual—I made it sound more like I was searching for what God really wanted me to do with my life.

I believe a primary cause of depression is a lack of gratitude.  I am working on writing a whole article on gratitude, so I will just mention that on a cursory basis here.  We lack a heart of thanksgiving.  When we fail to see God in every situation in our lives, when we fail to see His Sovereign reigning hand, we become bitter.  Bitterness results from a lack of gratitude.  Lack of gratitude results from a lack of trust in God.

My question is then, how do I keep myself from becoming discouraged and downcast?  The Psalmist writes in chapter 42: 

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
   and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
   my salvation and my God.

I have found that a primary factor in my maintaining a spirit of thanksgiving is to be constantly giving praise to God.  And, my primary way of doing that is to sing.  I find myself quietly humming throughout the day—something that I had quit doing at the beginning of the year.  I was not “humming” I was “whining”.  I was rehearsing how bad my situation was rather than rehearsing on some glorious thought of what Christ had done for me.

As I began to meditate more on the Word, and as I began to meditate more on the words to hymns, I found my attitude start to change.  The situation has not changed at all, but my attitude in the situation has completely changed.

The other day I caught myself humming joyfully as I walked up the steps at school.  My mind was rehearsing the words to a choir number that had really spoken to my heart.  I suddenly felt this wave of incredible gratitude toward God for bringing joy in the midst of a job in which I feel trapped.  My mind began to race with ways that I could make my life an alleluia to Him.  That, my friend, is the greatest antidote to depression.  Am I working at making my life a song of praise to Him?

This song “Make My Life an Alleluia” by Ruth Elaine Schram has really impacted me over the past few weeks.  I would like it to be sung someday at my funeral as a true testimony of my life.  Read the lines of this poem and meditate on them.   Discouragement and depression will flee as we seek to follow Christ and bring glory to God in every situation of life.

Make my life an alleluia,

A song of praise to You each day.

To proclaim Your grace and glory,

Fill my heart with your praise, I pray.

When I stand at the mountaintop,

Or the valley of despair,

This will be my cry, my song, my prayer:

Lord, make my life an alleluia.

Make my life an alleluia,

A gift of love to you, my King.

I will join with all creation

In the song that the heavens sing!

The earth will turn, and the planets spin,

As the seasons ebb and flow;

Still, Your grace surrounds me as I go,

Lord make my life an alleluia.

Make my life an alleluia,

This off’ring of myself I give

I will share Your grace and mercy

For as long as I shall live.

When I come to my journey’s end,

May those left behind be reminded,

This has been my cry, my song, my prayer:

Lord, make my life an alleluia.

                                        Ruth Elaine Schram