Prologue
About a year ago we had a special Sunday School series at our church. The class was for ladies from teenage and up that were primarily either single or widowed. I was able to present several of the sessions, and it was a great experience of allowing the Lord to work in my own life on topics that weren’t always that “comfortable.” Over the course of the next few months, I hope to take those outlines and write some articles to go with them. I trust they will be a blessing and encouragement—and if anyone wants to help proofread, please let me know!!
We chose Proverbs 31 as our basis. It can almost sound trite to choose that passage—a very common passage for ladies meetings, seminars, mother’s day messages, etc… However, this was primarily a group of single ladies, and Proverbs 31 is for the married lady, right? Wrong! And I hope in the next few posts that you will rapidly come to agree with me. Let’s start by remembering that Solomon was looking for a wife. He was not looking for a lady that was already married and already proved that she had done all of the above. He was actually looking for a single lady who was doing (notice the active/progressive verb) all of the above in her realm and to her ability. That person would then be able to fall into the role of wife and mother with great ease.
GUARDING YOUR HEART
Proverbs 312: She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
I first started pondering that verse many years ago, but it seems that as time goes on and meditating continues I begin to glean more and more from just a few simple words. So, how does this verse apply to ME. I’m nearly 37 and single. How can I do him good, and not harm all the days of my life? I don’t even know if I’ll ever get married. In fact, realistically, I probably won’t. But do I know I’m not going to get married? Is that absolutely certain? No. Therefore, can I just ignore that verse? Unfortunately, not. I’m still held accountable. Bummer!
Where then do I start? How can I do good to some guy, who may or may not even exist? This is where the meditation really kicked in. I had some concerns. I didn’t want to be doing good just for some unknown guy. That sounded trite and even unspiritual. So, I delved more into the Scriptures.
I found myself going back to some basic children’s catechisms. Who made you? God made me. What else did God make? God made all things. Why did God make you and all things? God made me and all things for His own glory. Wait, stop. What? Okay, that’s just the kid stuff, so let’s go to the real Westminster Shorter Catechism. Question 1: What is the chief end of man? The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Still not convinced? Let’s go to the Scriptures.
Isaiah 60:2. Thy people also shall be all righteous: they shall inherit the land for ever, the branch of my planting, the work of my hands, that I may be glorified. (KJV)
Romans 11:36 For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen. (KJV)
1 Corinthians 6:20; 10:31 For ye have been bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body.... Whether then you eat, or drink, whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Revelation 4:11 Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
So, I really was created for God’s glory. That, my friends, is pressure. A good kind of pressure! As one of God’s created beings, I was created for His glory. As one of God’s chosen, I have a responsibility to strive to bring Him glory. That, therefore, is my ultimate motivation. And what an incredibly high calling! I am called to bring God glory. One of the ways He calls me to glorify Him is by doing a potential husband good all the days of my life. Not just while I’m married to him; but before, during, and after: all. Just like whatever I do, whether I eat or drink, whatever…it is all to be for HIS glory. The BEST way to do good to some unknown, potential, or seemingly unlikely guy is first and foremost to glorify God.
So, where do I start?
Nancy Leigh DeMoss in her book, Lies Women Believe, says: “Everything else about your life flows out of what's in your heart: what you say, what you do, how you think, how you react, your emotions, your choices, your whole future life springs out of what's in your heart. We sin not because of our environment, not because of our upbringing, but because of what's in our heart.”
We were born in sin. The only way to glorify God in our lives is by first allowing Him to become King and Ruler of our lives. The basis for everything is the heart. Even after we’ve allowed Christ to take possession of our lives, we have to begin working at making conscious decisions to glorify God: we have to guard our hearts. (Deuteronomy 8:13-14).
These thoughts led me to Proverbs 4:23: Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. In its context, this verse suggests that keeping or watching or guarding your heart means to retain wise words and resist wicked desires. Again we are looking at an active/progressive verb. It is something that must be happening continually.
What does the Bible mean by the word “heart”? It means the causual core of your personhood. It is your directional system, your steering wheel. Your behavior isn’t caused by the situations and relationships outside of you. It’s caused by the way your heart reacts to those things. (Paul Tripp)
I Chronicles 28:9 says, "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.
So, the heart, the “causal core” of our being is the mind. I must actively control my mind. When I think of the mind, I naturally think of a computer: a technological brain. Imagine life without a computer. Amazingly, it was just a mere 15 years ago when it was rare for a family to have a computer. Today, nearly everyone above the age of 10 has their own personal computer. And, the idea for the computer came from the brain. Therefore the analogy, though perhaps overused, is legitimate!
In order to “watch” or “guard” my mind I have to Program my mind for truth.
I Peter 1:13: Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
I Peter 5: 8: Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
Romans12:2: Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
I Peter 1:14: As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance,
Psalm 51:10: Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
These are just a few of the verses in Scripture that deal with the mind. Notice that all of them have active verbs associated with them! In an effort to determine how to program my mind for truth, I realized that there are thousands of ways to do just that. However, there are some things that we must do if we are to really “reboot” our minds.
A computer can only do what it is programmed to do. It does not just magically correct our spelling errors; it does not just magically allow us to create beautiful flyers, letters, or cards. It has to have been programmed to correct errors; it has to have been programmed for creating fliers. You get the picture. If someone has not spent time putting something into the computer, it will not do anything. Our minds are similar. However, unfortunately we are not a blank slate, like some would teach. We are born programmed. Programmed for deceit, for wickedness. Therefore, we have to work hard to program our minds for truth.
The first thing I see as vital for programming our minds for truth is to program time for Bible reading, meditation, and prayer. In reading Psalm 119, I was overwhelmed—this Psalm is saturated with reminders of meditating on God’s Word:
1: How blessed are those whose way is blameless, Who walk in the law of the LORD.
2: How blessed are those who observe His testimonies, Who seek Him with all their heart.
9: How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word.
10: With all my heart I have sought You; Do not let me wander from Your commandments.
11: Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You.
12: Blessed are You, O LORD; Teach me Your statutes.
Specific steps have to be taken to program time to read God’s Word. It won’t just happen. Life gets in the way; we are naturally undisciplined, and we naturally put off those important things. A specific time, location, environment—something that works for you—but it must be deliberate or it will not happen.
Programming time for discipleship and accountability is another vital element to a life that is going to glorify God and an active way to help guard our minds.
Proverbs 27:6 says: Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Or verse 9 of the same chapter says: Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man's counsel is sweet to his friend. Again in Psalm 141:5 we read: Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; It is oil upon the head; Do not let my head refuse it.
Ladies, we cannot do this on our own. Discipleship and accountability are indispensable to the Christian walk. Without it we will fall. The primary source of our accountability comes through the local church. Involving ourselves actively in a local church offers accountability and discipleship that are essential in helping us in the battle of guarding the mind. Godly friendships are another source of accountability. We must be willing to share our struggles, to seek help, to seek support in others.
The last thing I am going to list as vital in programming our minds for truth is programming time for Christian literature.
Deuteronomy 4:10: "Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when the LORD said to me, 'Assemble the people to Me, that I may let them hear My word so they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.' Deuteronomy 31:13 says: And that their children, which have not known any thing, may hear, and learn to fear the LORD your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it.
Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:2 Timothy 3:14: But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
These verses obviously don’t say, “Go read a good Christian book”, but the principle is there. We need to learn from those who have gone before us. How much I have gleaned from godly men and women who have taken the time to write literature that will help us in our walk with God. Reading books by these people will help us in programming our minds for truth. We can avoid pitfalls and grow spiritually by gleaning from godly literature. Again, if you’re anything like I am, you must schedule the time for reading. If you’re not sure where to start, ask two or three people that you look up to spiritually for a list of their top 5 recommendations. You’ll be amazed at the incredible wealth of possibilities you will gain. Read and program your mind for truth.
Not only must a computer be programmed with specific programs to function as we want it to, it must be programmed with a virus scan. If not, within hours of being connected to the internet, the computer will be bombarded with literally thousands of viruses. The same thing is happening to our minds. We live in an evil and corrupt world. We are constantly bombarded with images, language, mentalities that are completely contrary to God’s Word. If we are not actively scanning for error, we will not be successful in our effort to guard our minds.
So, what must I do to scan for error? The first thing is to be proactive. The word “guard” itself connotes a proactive action. A guard doesn’t come out when he finds out that there is a robber. He is waiting, watching, looking for where there are weaknesses and a robber could sneak through; he is constantly looking for the potential of a robber. He isn’t sleeping or playing games or watching movies until he finds out that there is one.
I Peter 1:13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
Job 29:14 put on righteousness, and it clothed me; my justice was like a robe and a turban.
Luke 12:35 "Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning.
Be proactive. That means that we must take steps prior to situations. We must determine ahead of time how we are going to respond in different situations. I have had to sit down and write out for my own mind how I am going to react to situations at work, people mocking morality, people trying to get me to drink (when that goes against my personal conscience), being confronted with pornography (yes, ladies, let’s face it, it isn’t just a problem with men), being asked to watch movies that we know go against God’s commands and are offensive, how I will respond if asked out by an unbeliever, what are the lines I will not cross with a man…the list goes on and on. We must be proactive.
We must be proactive, and we must be vigilant. Have you noticed above how many times I mentioned that the verbs were active/progressive verbs? We mentioned that a guard is proactive. He doesn’t lie in bed until he hears a robber breaking in—he is watching, walking, prowling himself! He is awake, alert, attentive, cautious.
I Peter 5: 8: Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
Revelation 3:2: Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God.
I Peter 4:7: But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.
I Corinthians 16:13: Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.
Psalm 102:7: I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Proverbs 8:34: Blessed is the man that hears me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors.
Matthew 24:42: Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.
Ladies, we have to be on the alert. We have to be serious about this. It is so easy to fall prey to Satan’s wiles. He knows us, maybe better than we know ourselves. He will wait until our guard is down, and he will present himself as an angel of light. He cunningly deceived Eve—he twisted God’s words and convinced her that she was doing right—how?—her guard was down. If you take 60 seconds, I am sure you can come up with a list of names that outnumber your fingers of young women who have fallen: whether morally or otherwise. Watch out! Stay on guard. Don’t ever fall to the temptation of think that you are too spiritual, too strong, that “it would never happen to me.” That is when Satan will strike hardest.
No matter how proactive and vigilant we are, there are going to be times when it boils down to simple resistance. We must resist.
James 4:7, 11 Resist the devil and he will flee from you…. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.
When those times of temptation come, we have to run. We have to use the Scriptures to battle those temptations. We have to learn to say “no”. God, in His mercy, has given us a way of escape. However, if we have not programmed our minds, we will not have the fortitude to resist when those times of temptation come. It all goes back to how we have spent time programming our minds. The programming will determine our ability to resist. We can “ruin” our lives in a matter of a few seconds or one bad decision. (I put ruin in quotes because God can take the “biggest” sin and offer forgiveness and restitution. However, there will be consequences and the course of our life will be forever altered.)
Programming our minds for truth and being vigilant about scanning for error will enable us to have victory and output godliness. Every aspect of our lives will be affected. I will discuss just a few key areas where we will begin to see godliness pouring out rather than selfishness, sin, and deceit.
Our speech: our speech will become uplifting and encouraging.
Matthew 12:34: O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Our actions and reactions: what we even want to do will become more and more Christ-like, and our automatic choices will be more in line with God’s holiness.
John 319-21 And this is the judgment the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.
Our thoughts: if we’ve properly programmed, we will have the power to control our thoughts.
Philippians 4:8: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Our emotions: I could park here for a while—we have no excuse for not controlling our emotions; but it will be significantly easier when we have taken the proper steps in guarding our minds.
Psalm 42:5: Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation 6and my God.
Our choices: the decisions we make will be governed by God’s standards because our desires will be governed by His thoughts.
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Guarding my mind will enable me to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. He is the One who will receive my praise for eternity. It is essential for me to program my mind for truth by filling it with the Scriptures, having godly accountability, and learning from those who have gone before. I must also be on the alert for the devil who is seeking to destroy me, God’s name, and my ability to serve in the local church. And finally, I must allow those changes to bring about godliness in my daily life. These are steps that must be taken if I am going to do him good. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether I ever marry. I am called to godliness. I am called to glorify God. If God chooses to give me a husband, I want to be sure that I have been taking the steps and doing him good during my singleness. If God chooses to continue to give me singleness, I want to be sure that I am taking the steps of glorifying Him in my life and enjoying Him now.
This prayer by John Wesley has become very dear to me. For years I kept it on a 4x6 card so that I could read it frequently throughout the day.
O God, fill my soul with so entire a love for Thee that I may love nothing but for Thy sake and in subordination to Thy love. Give me grace to study Thy knowledge daily that the more I know Thee, the more I may love Thee. Create in me a zealous obedience to all Thy commands, a cheerful patience under all Thy chastisements, and a thankful resignation to all Thy disposals. Let it be the one business of my life to glorify Thee by every word of my tongue, by every work of my hand, by professing Thy truth, and by engaging all men, so far as in me lies, to glorify and love Thee. (John Wesley)
I leave you with this thought, ladies, Guard Your Heart: For Out of It Will Flow Your Life Story.
